10 Things I've Learned Over the Last 10 Years

A few weeks ago, I celebrated 10 years of student ministry at my current Church. Spending 10 years in one spot brings a certain perspective to life and ministry. Over the next few days, I want to share 10 lessons I've learned.

If I could go back to my younger self, 10 years ago, here are some of the things I would tell myself:

1. Relationships trump everything

   You know what students remember? Not your sermon. Not your cool illustration. Not the nights you got the lights or the music just right. They remember when you were present. They remember when you showed up. They remember when you have fun with them. Above all else, build relationships.

A few of my leaders (Who were middle school students when I began 10 years ago) put together a short video for me to celebrate 10 years. You know what they talked about most? I wish I could say it was my sermon or that really spiritual moment that one time, but they didn't talk much about those moments. They talked more about the time I took them to Moe's or the time we were awarded a Bible Quiz trophy on accident. Relationships trump everything.

The older I get, the more I am convinced that solid relationships are the secret sauce that make everything else work.

2. Sometimes it takes a long time to see results

    Several years ago we had a girl in our youth group who was always in trouble. She graduated high school by the skin of her teeth. She walked away from her faith, cursed me, and the church. Last week we had a deep conversation about her faith. She's not where she should be, but by building a relationship over time and being present, here we sit five years later talking about her faith. IT TOOK FIVE YEARS.

Life isn't like a TV sitcom. If you want to see real results, sometimes you have to stick around for a while. In ministry, this means sometimes you ignore the high schooler who hates your guts or you develop some patience with the middle schooler who doesn't get it. Give them a few weeks or months or years and he or she may just come around.

Don't underestimate what God can do in someone else's life when you choose to be present over a long period of time.

3. Students need to be given something to do

Many times I think we fail the people we minister to because we give them too much information and not enough application.

For many, when they think of discipleship, they think of a classroom. But this isn't the way Jesus interacted with or taught his disciples. He took his disciples with Him to actually do ministry and taught on the job. What if the way we have been doing discipleship is actually keeping us from making disciples? I'm not arguing we should do away with classes completely, but if our discipleship strategy doesn't give students something to do with what they've learned, we've missed the point. Many of our "church kids" know what they should be doing but are failing to do it. Maybe some of this failure is because we've failed to empower them to do something with what they are learning. High school, Middle school, and even many elementary-age students are fully capable of engaging in ministry within our churches. So turn your students loose. Empower them. Let them lead.  Help them when they fail. Teach them by doing. Give them something to do with their faith and watch the Holy Spirit work powerfully in their lives. I'm doing what I do today because someone took a chance on an awkward middle schooler. The lessons I learned while leading and ministering during high school and middle school are still with me today.

4. My Senior Pastor is (almost) always right

I work for one of the greatest senior pastors in the world. Seriously. We don't always see eye-to-eye on everything, and I think that's very healthy. What help would I be to him if I didn't bring a different perspective to the table? He has taught me a great deal about how to be patient and pray about things rather than rushing in to save the day. He has saved me from great heartache on numerous occasions because of his wisdom, wit, and prayer.

Over the last ten years of working with him, I've learned to see things from his perspective. I often find myself asking the question, "What would my pastor do in this situation?" This kind of thinking and personal growth only comes if you stick around long enough to grow through your disagreements. I could write a whole blog series on things I've learned from my senior pastor, but for now, I'm reminded of two short scripture verses:

Philippians 2:4 - Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

Ephesians 4:2 - Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.

Too many of us act like we have all the answers and we've got it all together. Truth is, you need your senior leader and your senior leader needs you. You're there to help each other learn and grow. Where do you need to humble up and admit that you need some advice? In what area are you only looking out for your own interests? What can you do this week to humble up and see things from another perspective?

5. You can't do it alone 

In ministry, we can be tempted to think that the world revolves around us. We begin to think that if we aren't physically present all the time, things will fall apart. This has a way of feeding our ego and making us feel "important" and "needed." We think we have to do everything. Our mantra becomes, "If you want it done right, you've got to do it yourself." I've been there before and it's a horrible place to be. The better way? Realize you need a team. The effort it takes to build a team is worth it in the long run. If you try and do everything yourself your impact will be limited. Training others to help you immediately increases your capacity to impact the people you minister to. I think you ought to work so hard building a good team that they can do most of the work without you. Work yourself out of a job - not because you're lazy - but because you're investing yourself in those around you. That's your job in the first place - To equip the saints for the work of the ministry. Your job is not to do the ministry all by yourself, but to create and invest in a team of people who can do the work of the ministry.

6. I am not responsible for their faith

    I can't make people believe. At the end of the day, I am not responsible for them or their faith. I am responsible to love them, to teach them, and to model Christ before them, but it is not my job to make them believe. I cannot save them. They must make up their mind for themselves. Not every student or person I minister to is going to have a great story of how Jesus turned their life around. Some of their stories will end tragically. It's my job to do all I can, but at the end of the day, the choice is theirs to make.

7. Parents are your friend

There's often a temptation in youth ministry to vilify parents. We think that they are the problem. Truth is, sometimes they are, but vilifying them doesn't help anyone. Instead of seeing them as the problem, look at them as part of the solution. Many times parents are simply doing the best they can with what they have. It's hard to raise a kid when you've got your own issues going on as well. We need to give them a break and be willing to help resource them. Parents have more influence on their children than anyone else. We can accomplish more as we work together to help produce faith in students. If you're going to see God work in the lives of students, you've got to be serious about God working in the lives of their parents as well. Be a resource, pray for them, partner with them to see God work in the lives of their kids.

8. Consistency beats talent

We've all seen a lot of people with a lot of talent who haven't gone very far in life. In the end, it isn't talent that matters, but consistency. When it comes to ministry there are a lot of talented people, but, in my opinion, consistency beats talent. Talent isn't enough to take you where you need to go and keep you there. You must learn to be consistent. Your best volunteers in ministry won't be the most talented people - they will be the most consistent people. The people who were faithful. The people who "just kept showing up." At the end of my life when I stand before the Lord He isn't going to applaud my talent. He's not going to be impressed by anything but my faithfulness. He's going to say, "well done good and FAITHFUL servant." He's not looking for my talent, he's looking for me to simply show up day after day and faithfully serve.

9. Bigger is not always better

In the church world, we often make the mistake of making numbers our main measure of success. It's often implied that if you have 100 people you must be doing something better than the guy who has 10. This kind of thinking isn't only wrong, it's dangerous. It says that value is found in how many people you can reach instead of the individual you can impact. Bigger does not equal successful and it does not equal better. God's definition of success is faithfulness and obedience, not attendance and budgets. Be faithful, obedient, and excellent with what God has given you and let him worry about the results. If you grow to thousands, great. If you reach and disciple 10, great. You can be small and be doing what God wants you to do and you can be quite large and be missing it (And vice versa). So stop beating yourself up and stop trying to be something that you're not. Be you. Obey God and be faithful where He has placed you. Leave the results up to Him.

10. Preach up, not down

In youth ministry, there is a temptation to dumb down our teaching and preaching in hopes that students will understand and embrace what we are trying to say. I think this is a bad practice. Instead of preaching down, preach up. Preach on the level that you want students to rise to. I'm not saying you go in and give a boring college lecture. You're not called to bore people to death, but you aren't called to make it so simple and so dumbed down that students never grapple with the hard truths and realities of God's word. Our job is to figure out how to take our faith - with all it's mystery and uncertainty - and break it down in a way that students understand WITHOUT watering it down. Don't shy away from complicated issues and questions. I believe students need to learn how to really think through their faith, but if we simply make them feel good each week we are not doing them a favor. In fact, we are crippling them by not preparing them for the world outside of the church. There is a world out there that is not friendly to their faith. They must do more than simply "feel good" and "have fun." They must learn what they believe, why they believe it, and how to live it out in the real world.